Prioritize Your Happiness by Finding (and Doing) Your Top 3

This past year, I did my first clinical practicum at an elder care facility. I saw people with a variety of diagnoses, but almost exclusively people who were over 80 years old. I was incredibly grateful to work with people who had lived through so much more than me, and help them sort through their stories, finding the wisdom within. In treating one man who was particularly ornery, (”How are you today, Mr. A?” “Today? Today is worse than yesterday!”) my supervisor and I developed a way of thinking about happiness creation. The one thing that this man wanted was candy, so why don’t I get him candy? Does simply desiring something and then getting it help you in the long term learn to desire less? That I don’t know about, and I think the goal of desiring less requires its own attention and its own work.

But we decided to figure out what the top three things that made him happy were, and try our best to get those. And right there, in supervision, we tried to think about what’s on our top three list. These were things you could “get,” not outcomes of processes or feeling like a goal had been achieved, and things that you could potentially “get” every day. What are yours?

One potential conflict is that the things that make a person most happy are not those things that they could easily get on the every-day basis – like caviar, or eating out, it’s possible that someone’s three things include things you can’t really get every day. But I suspect not. I suspect the things that can bring your daily happiness up are available and accessible every single day, and maybe some of those other things are great as a treat. Despite these potential pitfalls, can you allow yourself the list of three daily-happiness-generating things? What are those?

Then ask yourself why aren’t you getting those every day? Are you punishing yourself in an attempt to motivate yourself? Could you loosen that up a little? I’m not sure punishing yourself works, but rewarding yourself does. Are you getting caught up in some other thing that makes you happy, but not quite as happy as one of your top three? Do you think you shouldn’t be that happy, that you don’t deserve it?

You can prioritize your happiness. Knowing what three things make you most happy on the daily level is an awesome opportunity for joy.

Here are my Top 3: (They shouldn’t be GOALS or VALUES like “healthy body” – these should be the three things you could get for yourself daily. Like ice cream, or comfortable shoes.)

1. Feeling comfortable in what I’m wearing.
2. Speaking to a family member and laughing.
3. Spending large blocks of time alone, in creative/reflective space.

What are yours? What stands in your way?